hi this is my shitty diary ♥

i want to create something good before i die

Who am i?

Hi my name is Nur i live in Turkey im 18 years old

Currently finished highschool preaparing for college exam again

Before i die i want to do something fullfilling and beautiful i guess

Im struggling with my mental health...Lately i've been thinking about suicide

But...here i am making a website even if it looks like ass i dont care i have to stick around

Thank you brother,mom,dad,sister ♥

I HAVE TO LIVE! I SHOULD AT LEAST LEAVE SOMETHING BEHIND WHEN I GO

Now im slowly finishing this websites tutorial ★

June 8th 2026 8:00 AM

Found a cute kitty

Dad told me to attend some courses for my future education.He wants to see me as a civil servant.Since i did nothing for my future education in 12th grade,i spend my vacation for these courses.I also attended sign language course.Well that was fun.I really liked sign language!

August 17th 2026 22:26 PM

My cat Lokum!

Fast forward dad caught me with cigarettes.He didn't do anything.He didn't beat me.He was very sad.I had betrayed the entire family's trust.My big brother was very sad.My mom cried.She said "I am failed as a mother for you".But they said "No matter what happens, we will always be by your side." I was not expecting those words from my family members.I used to think they didn't care for me but turns out they love me so much.Im so grateful for them.Im trying to beat my addiction.My addiction started in the 11th grade when I smoked to help me wake up early in the morning and i was jealous of other people's achievements so cigs gave me a reason "i was different" "i was not like them"; I used to say I would never touch a cigarette! I used to spend my days not listening 8 hours of lessons.The classes didn't interest me.Of course i passed with high notes.But because i HAD TO.In class i always read books they kept me busy in 8-hour long period.In 12th grade i did this too.But now im reading news,watching youtube videos,watching movies with subtitles because i have to improve my english.This year im taking my college exam from language-field.But i really missed reading books.2 days ago i finished "Naomi-A fool's love" but i didn't like it.